Perfection, Frustration, And Alas… Reality

I’ve been watching the world of late; often shaking my head and sighing even though I know it won’t do much good. As a child I strived for perfection, everything had to be just so. Perhaps that’s because as an Old Soul I knew how things ought to be, and got frustrated when they weren’t? Maybe I just wanted some kind of order in my life? Frustration set in from a very early age when those around me wouldn’t comply, but even today my parents will admit I used to tell them what to do, and they did it (I was about 4 or 5 years old).

During my University and school years I witnessed how unfair the ‘system’ was, and struggled with why it was accepted—surely if you spoke up people would listen to logic. Listen they may do, but act they do not. Why? Because they like their job and title and don’t wish to rock the boat, even if something is unfair. Justice, equality, and parity I soon learned is not the way society works, and that is still true to this day. Yes, one can protest and petition, and sometimes that pressure group will get a result, but only after a few have suffered and dedicated their lives to the cause. Results are never guaranteed, and they take time; decades, and even centuries.

I write this because perfection, while it is individual to each of us is interminable, where the bar can be so high, it can never be achieved, humanly that is. I have a high bar, and I accept I cannot reach it at times and it frustrates me. Logically in my mind, there are certain things that are possible, and when they aren’t achieved it perplexes me. One can ponder and look for answers, but as I have gotten older I see perfection as a standard that can give the self closure and an element of joy in achieving what they aimed for, and it should not be for others to judge, or for their gratification.

This is one of the problems society has by imposing standards of perfection that are unrealistic. Some confuse perfection with OCD and it’s not the same, because levels of perfection can change. These days while I still hanker for perfection, when it doesn’t happen I can let it go because it really doesn’t matter; I mean who does it affect and bother really?  In life situations, the variables change moment by moment, and applying the same standard without flexibility isn’t wise or sensible.

The ultimate fact is humanity and humans are imperfect and flawed. Too often I see on some spiritual website someone quoting that the Soul and each being is perfect. I find that misleading, because someone who let’s say has less than honorable thoughts and intents is led to believe that they are ‘perfect’ and their actions and thoughts are okay, and they are not. No one is perfect, because perfection is a state that constantly evolves and never stops. That is why frustration kicks in, because one must be realistic to understand the concept of perfection.

Is frustration a lack of control, or a by-product of seeking perfection? It can be both, because at times we can have the perfect moment, meal, or feeling, but it is transient and can never be frozen and encapsulated and preserved. This is one of the reasons I advocate realistic spirituality, because if you cannot accept that perfection exists merely to challenge, encourage, and to set the Soul standards, then the incarnation will be filled with frustration, which can lead to blockages in the Soul Growth. It took me a while to see and understand this; I lived in a student house with my friends and while it was fun, it seemed perfect and that illusion was shattered. There were some great and perfect moments, but the reality of it all was that people all have differing needs and perceptions of what is perfect and the lesson is to accept that, and to learn to respect and live with those differing perceptions.

I used to get frustrated when people would listen to my logic, agree and then go off and do the opposite. I still do get frustrated, but I’m the only person who suffers. I have to let others figure out what is best for them at times, and I find people don’t always want to listen, they can hear, but don’t actively listen. Perhaps they do and keep those thoughts at the back of their mind just in case, and that’s all one can do. Living in a realistic world is hard work, mainly because people create their own realities and bubbles within it. A world with lots of pockets of bubbles of slightly different realities is not a healthy one, which is why society and humanity is so fractured. While each country has different customs, and laws, one expects that and discovering new cultures can be fascinating and also enlightening, but when there are too many adverse factions, a stable and peaceful reality seems further out of the grasp of humanity.

I watch the news because I do want to see how humanity is reacting to the treatment of others, and how the world is shaping. Instead I see a lot of destruction, and why? Power—it’s all about ego and power and who has more. Power over the people though? Surely world leaders and monarchs are there to serve the people they represent? The realistic view is that it is rhetoric; the people confer power to them, but few truly serve the public. Recently the new US government halted aid on planned parenthood assistance in third world countries because of the personal beliefs of some in the cabinet. In response the EU has raised funds to counteract this deficit, which will save the lives of many, and I ask how can two highly civilized and educated government bodies be so far apart?

Clearly humanity is not working together as the power struggles continue, and will probably exist for perpetuity. I realize that the world is not and can never be perfect, and it was never meant to be. Humanity can strive for a perfect world; one that is peaceful where no one starves, and where there is no crime, but that is unrealistic. We look for answers as to why people commit crimes; greed, envy, revenge, mental disorders, money, or just because they can. There is no one answer, therefore there can be no solution when the root cause is unknown and cannot be resolved.

Perfection is a transient state, and one we should not get frustrated over when it can’t be achieved (and I’m a Virgo!). That is called reality, and accepting that the world and humanity is not perfect, nor will it ever be. However, that should not stop us striving for it because humanity exists for Souls to evolve and learn. Although progress at times is stalled or limited, we, as the human race should aim to learn from the errors of bygone eras and that is something society is failing to do—perhaps through ignorance or ego, or maybe both?

When You Know The End Draws Near

Some call it pessimism, but often we know something is coming to an end, whether it’s a relationship or a job. You might get an uneasy feeling, or you hope that the old days return, but they never do. Calling time on something, quitting, or ending a relationship is never easy, but it’s one of those things we have to learn to cope with in life.

The first time you end a relationship be a friend or lover is always hard—sometimes it’s temporary, and other times it’s a relief to end something that may have become harmful and destructive. Finding the courage to do so can lead to procrastination, or maybe a reason that is justified?

I’ve resigned from several jobs, and the first was the hardest, but after that it got easier. I wrote the letter and rewrote it; then all the manager did was file it and started looking for a replacement. That made my subsequent letters easier to write. A job is no longer for life, so I always take note of notice periods on contracts, and if you really hate going into work each day, then you have to rethink your priorities.

Ending friendships is harder, and I’ve only done it when people have falsely accused me of something. That’s something I won’t tolerate; a couple then sent messages to apologize, but it was never the same and I learned when it comes to an end that is it. I gave one friend a second chance after she sent me letters of apology, but what she did always created a barrier and the friendship drifted apart naturally.

Romantic relationships are tough because of the emotions and the dreaded task of splitting things, and then you find out who your friends really are. Often the relationship can yo-yo, and there’s a second and even a third chance, but once you get past that stage, it’s more or less over. While you need to work at relationships, sometimes they are destined to fail, but the lesson learned is that it’s not the right kind of relationship for you. If you find yourself avoiding your partner, not looking forward to being with them, or you would rather go for a run in the rain, then the end is nigh…

I’m also a member of some online groups, and to end that relationship (rather than to take a break) needs some justification. A forum I have been on for several years has changed in the last couple of years, as in the members weren’t as nice or interesting, the admins have power trips, and the friends I had made had either terminated their membership or got banned by over zealous admins. I did manage to remain in contact with a few via email and social media, but I finally realized after the last couple of years, the group no longer was positive, but had a negative effect. It’s sad, because I had hoped it would change, and I mentioned numerous times I was on the verge of leaving, and now that time has come. The final straw was reading a post where someone claimed they were tired of being right all of the time, and convinced themselves no one replied to their posts because they were so accurate, there could be no response. I did think it was a joke, but it wasn’t. Maybe I don’t need them, or that my words fall on deaf ears. Either way, it’s like the UK and Brexit—when you choose to leave, end it and don’t look back, but remain on good terms.

Learning to end things and to deal with closure takes time—quite a lot of it, and it’s a process. Closing doors can bring relief or sadness, but there is always a reason why things must end, but we just never know fully why. The important thing to note is that if you sense the end of something to accept it and not to fight it, because that’s when it hurts and you make it harder for yourself.  Memories can’t be erased, but we can choose to recall them in the light we wish. While the group I am choosing to distance myself from will continue, I will visit from time to time, but as a visitor only, and not as a member because I no longer identify with the principles that they represent. Perhaps it’s a new phase for me?


Why Do Souls Suffer in Silence?

Throughout my life, I’ve never met anyone that has not said they have suffered from something, which makes me question why does suffering exist? It may seem more philosophical than spiritual, but is subjective according to individual experiences and expectations. However, many ask why do we suffer? Often it is out of fear, but also people feel they are suffering and are thus victims when maybe they were expecting too much, or were unaware that their situation wasn’t that bad?

The question is if a Soul is suffering, then why can’t they do anything about it? Perhaps they should gain courage to speak up, or give up something in order to change their path? You can’t have everything, and sometimes one must sacrifice something. For example, if a a partner in a relationship is suffering due to verbal abuse, then the immediate question is why don’t they leave? Other factors come into play such as children, finances, and security, but if none of those are applicable, then what is stopping a Soul from ending what they perceive as suffering? When people say they are suffering in their job, because they hate it, then they do have a choice to leave. Some won’t because of finances, and others can’t because they can’t get another job. Often the Soul has choices—not always great ones, but they are options nonetheless if they choose to see them.

I have been in both situations, and at times suffered in silence because I thought it wasn’t that bad or that things would get better. They often don’t, although you may try to convince yourself they will. In previous relationships I have kept quiet, and suffered only a couple of times, but decided I should see whether it would get better. The problem is in relationships the other party can make you feel guilty, and remaining objective can be hard when it’s the closest person to you. Very often partners get brainwashed, and once free, they chide themselves for not leaving sooner. That’s why I always recommend people to keep friendships, as they can be the voice of reason.

In terms of jobs, many of the workforce silently suffer and yearn to do something else for a living. Do factory workers and cleaners really enjoy their jobs, or are they convenient, or a means to an end? For those who love and enjoy their work, they are blessed, but many are content or tolerate their working environment. Some however do suffer, and they do it for money alone. When that happens, it takes courage to give up a well-paid job to have mental freedom, and I can say it’s worth it.

Souls suffer in silence and maintain the status quo, but that means they will be stuck in a rut and often trapped in their own cage. No one should be afraid to voice their genuine concerns (notice, I don’t think constant whining on small matters is considered suffering, although in the minds of some it is), but they do out of fear of the repercussions, or what others will think of them. In some ways that creates and prolongs any suffering that has arisen.

I suffered at the hands of bullies as a young child, and there was no one to come to my rescue—not even my brother who was at the same school and who watched me being bullied. If I told the teachers, then they would increase the bullying, so what could I do? They would steal my snacks at break time each day and grab them out of my hands, then taunt me, and push me over while calling me names each day. Then one day, in the playground I had my chocolate bar in my hand and saw the gang approaching. I really wanted my chocolate bar, and thought what more can they do to me? So I gobbled it down in front of them, and told them they were too late. I honestly thought they would try to beat me up (I was about 8 or 9), but they stood there in shock that I stood up to them, and walked away. The bullying didn’t stop completely after that, but they backed off and never tried to get my chocolate bars again.

When we suffer we learn harsh and painful lessons, but it should also help us to learn empathy, so if we see others in a similar plight we are able to help them. Those who do suffer seek help, and those who have been through similar situations will recognize a silent cry for help. I find being a good listener without judging is helpful, because a Soul that is suffering must choose their own path; they should try and accept what has happened, look at what has been learned, and then to use that knowledge to help others and not to repeat the same scenarios. Instead some spend time and energy trying to understand why it happened (you will never find a definitive answer, only possible theories), wonder whether they were they to blame, and ask why did they deserve it, or think that it’s not fair that they had to suffer compared to others.

Perhaps a past life karmic debt has been played out, or the Soul had volunteered for an altruistic incarnation? These are theories, and while some people may mock them, there is no evidence or reason why some suffer more than others. Rather than to spend time and anger feeling that life has dealt you a poor hand, isn’t it better to try and change things to be the best they can in the circumstances? I’ve heard people say they are suffering, where really they just aren’t getting things their own way. Suffering is when you are harmed in circumstances that are beyond your control, so think about whether you are really suffering, or are you containing that suffering with excuses?

If you hate your job, boss, co-workers, then leave once you hand in your notice. Money isn’t everything, and you have a choice, but are you brave enough to take it? In fractured relationships, you have to look at what is more important—the house, what people think, money, or your sanity? There is no amount of money that can buy you peace of mind, but you must choose between material security, and suffering. Again, there is a choice; a Soul has choices, even if they can’t see them or consider them viable choices.

True suffering comes from sacrifices, but it need not be in silence. Spiritually, suffering is a means to help Souls to learn and evolve. Now this may not help those who are suffering or be of much comfort, but that’s why it exists. Souls should try not to blame others, but accept the lessons learned, otherwise they will repeat the lessons again, and no one wants to go through that if they can help it. Maybe the lesson is to learn forgiveness, tolerance, or to learn how and when to trust others—there are a multitude of lessons that involve suffering, including losing someone you love. We can help others suffer less by considering others in our actions, and to have empathy for others. That is another lesson all Souls learn. Often suffering is eased with a kind word or act, or when someone will listen without judgment, for we all make mistakes—humans were not created to be perfect.

Some Ancient Soul Musings

The start of a New Year usually is a relief to many when we see all the predictable ads for gyms, and the stores laden with fitness gadgets, yet people still buy into it! This year I feel will be unsettled, and while we leave behind 2016; a year with a high death count of the well-known, I see that as a mere taster for what is to come. People die, we know that, and the sheer volume of well-known deaths in the past year reminds us that life is transient and death is inevitable. One always wonders whether the Souls concerned had achieved all their goals, or that the ones they were seeking were not longer possible.

One of the best things that has happened is my reconnection with an old spiritual friend, whom I hope will share some of her amazing art work and thoughts here. She was around when I was reawakening, and we’ve been through some tough times together and supported one another. I’ve also been reminded with my recent charge, that we can’t save everyone, and even when lessons are obvious to a Lightworker, it’s not apparent to the charge. I decided to spell out the lesson, and then asked my charge last night if she had learned. She agreed I was right, but said she hadn’t learned her lesson. At that point I stated that it was pointless helping someone if they are not willing to learn, phrased as a rhetorical question. Today the charge is in hospital, and maybe then they will see the importance of learning, rather than seeing her actions as juvenile determination (she is 67, but physical age has no bearing on Soul Age). My words may have been cruel in the eyes of some, but honest and direct; I told her she doesn’t have a broken leg that can be healed, but a deteriorating terminal illness and that she needs to take responsibility and accept that.

As an Ancient Soul, it can be frustrating watching and listening to others make errors that can be avoided. While some ask for advice, the problem is you can’t tell people what they need to discover through experience. How can you know that love can lead to heartbreak when you have never truly experienced it, or how it feels or how to react when someone has betrayed you? No book or agony aunt can tell you how to feel, but can advise you on your options. On a spiritual forum that I sometimes frequent, I have noticed more arrogant members and egotistical posts, and indeed the admins seem to carry that same attitude. It does concern me that people behave in such a manner and think it’s normal or acceptable, but it reminds me that each Soul learns in their own way and at their own pace. It is best to ignore those who are not ready to listen or seek help; what they consider to be help is not usually the help that is offered. Assistance comes in many forms, but those who want short cut answers will be oblivious to what is in front of them. No one is entitled to help, but some assume they have a right to it. Help is offered as and when, and if that person feels the other will benefit. Just because I know and can help, doesn’t mean that I must or will. That is called discernment and free will, as well as being sensible. Why would I wish to help someone who is rude and disrespectful, because all it does is feed their ego, which doesn’t help with their soul growth and takes up my time and energy?

Spiritualism appears to be more commercial as people look for answers, reasons, and blame for why things have happened. Often these people who are dissatisfied with their lot and need someone or something to blame, and spiritualism is not the answer. Many don’t wish to hear things unless it suits them, therefore, why do they ask the question if they don’t want to hear the answer? I always say, don’t ask unless you are ready and prepared to hear the truth. However, reading what many consider to be normal allows me to respond to their behaviors in my own writings, and reminds me that there are many folks who assume they are spiritual (because they have read a few books and can quote others), and perhaps they are in their own minds. The Spiritual Path doesn’t always reveal answers, but it enables one to ask the right questions.

My own path is a little weary, and while I see the world in disarray, the USA is about to validate a dangerous and unworthy leader. Power can be dangerous, and while many people adopt the ‘let’s wait and see’ approach and hope to be surprised, the wise will look at damage limitation. Right now, Narnia seems to be a better place to be. Humanity seems to make the same mistakes over and over again, and isn’t learning…

Sensitivity To Negativity

When I first heard the term Sensitive I didn’t really understand it and thought it was an insult when someone called me a Sensitive. In fact it was an acknowledgment of a gift. People assume it means someone who is weak, or who is easily hurt, but spiritually it means someone who is sensitive to the other realms and dimensions around them—that they can hear, see, and feel things that others cannot. Positive and negative energies surrounds us at all times, and often we can choose to ignore the negative, but when it’s extreme it can feel like a sudden sting. To a Sensitive it can hit them like a sudden minus temperature frost on the face (or a mosquito bite), while positive energy brings with it an aura of calm and serenity like a morning ray of sunshine. As humans one can only react accordingly.

I was having a reading, one that was eye opening when the reader exclaimed that I was extremely sensitive. When you don’t have spiritual friends or read lots of books, you don’t always know the jargon for certain things, but I gathered what was meant by the intonation of my reader’s voice, but I still didn’t fully understand the importance of it all until much later. I naturally assumed all people have these senses, and some just choose not to use them.

There is no guidebook on how to figure out how to control or block your sensitivity; it’s a case of learning as you go and choosing your own boundaries. It’s hard to try and explain what sensitivity is or feels like when it’s something you just know, but is more than intuition. We can use our intuition to decide what is right or wrong, where our Guides can also help out. As a Sensitive you are aware of all around you whether you want to know or not. Naturally you can learn to block negativity, but you will still have that initial sense before making that choice. What does it feel like to be a Sensitive? Basically, you automatically sense and can differentiate between the positive and negative energies around you, be it a Soul, place, or object. Some can also see and hear messages without any prompting at random times, even when they are not for themselves. Being a Sensitive can be scary, tiring, and and also confusing at times. It’s a gift, but one that isn’t what all the books make it out to be.

Often that sensitivity can lead you to say and do things as a knee jerk reaction unintentionally, or they can elicit emotional responses that may seem out of character. As my sensitivity grows, I have had to be more aware of how to react. Of course, a Sensitive can sense good and kind people, but when faced with negative and dark people that is more challenging. They will also sense that you will have power and know what they are hiding, and to them that is a threat—that someone knows what lies beneath the mask.

It’s for that reason, many Sensitives prefer to be alone, or choose their company with great care, and not only because a negative person may try and absorb their power, but because seeing the truth can be tiring and unpleasant. Recently, I’ve encountered more subtle negative issues, especially in regards to items that are secondhand or that have been given as gifts. I love secondhand clothes and books, but am very wary of the energies that they carry. Once I was browsing in an antique hall, and while fascinating it was draining. I could sense when and how items had been used, so could tell the genuine from the replicas, but also if there was negative energy attached to the item.

My sibling gave me a gift; it was a book. Now, as a certified bookworm, there aren’t many books out there that people can buy for me that I would want, because I can buy them for myself. It was a book by someone who I dislike and loathe (their attitude and their beliefs), and I couldn’t help but express my angst. To top it all, it had been personally signed. Most people would be happy, but the negative energy it contained (because the author had signed it with a dedication) made it worse. I couldn’t sleep with the book in my bedroom, nor would I put it on my bookcase as it would contaminate my other books. That’s how important energy is! I ended up putting it under some old rags in the hall cupboard. I would sell it if I could to be honest to get rid of it, but it also reminded me that no one really understands me or knows me. It’s not a problem for me, as I accepted I was going to be misunderstood from childhood, therefore, I don’t expect much when people do give me gifts, but I try not to appear ungrateful.

When I have rented properties previously, I could always sense whether the landlord was going to be a problem, and if their energies would impact my own. In one case, the landlady had many artifacts—ones that carried negative energy. I never felt comfortable in the room they were displayed in, and her dogs would bark in the room for no reason. When she asked if she could use my storage unit to store items, it was on the condition that none of those artifacts would be stored. The negative energy would cling to my own belongings and transfer to me, and that is not a wise thing. I doubt many people will understand this and see this as over the top, but for those who are highly sensitive, it’s paramount to avoid negative energies attached to items if possible.

I’ve also felt negativity in hotel rooms, and I will check a room before I unpack and often will ask to change a room until I feel comfortable. On a few occasions where I have been a house guest, I have sensed negativity in the home and end up not sleeping. I’ve only realized this in hindsight, but these occurrences are fortunately in the minority. It’s the same as sleeping in the bedroom where a partner’s former lover may have slept. That energy lingers and transfers, and it’s not a wise idea if you are a Sensitive to sleep in the same room, let alone bed. An ex of mine went along with my requests, and we ended up sleeping on a sofa bed in the lounge instead of the bedroom, which then led him to move apartments. It may seem extreme, and I could never explain it, nor was I trying to be difficult, but it is a valid reason to protect your own energy, as when you are asleep, your energy is more vulnerable.

Dealing with negative people is never easy, but as you get older and wiser you have to strike a balance between saving and protecting your energy and integrity, and ensuring the other person knows to back off. Sadly, many don’t get the message and persist, which then leads to a showdown or you opting to walk away. I’ve encountered many negative Souls and they often are shocked when their charm or manipulative words don’t work. I’ve never been afraid to speak the truth, but challenging a negative person I have found can be a waste of energy, but one thing I will do is to ensure that they don’t take advantage of those who are vulnerable. Maybe that is why some of us are sensitive, so that we can protect others who aren’t, and who cannot see what is really around them?