The Pain Of Soulmates And The Soul Group

I’ve recently finished reading Brida, by Paulo Coelho, and it was a timely reminder that people are often misguided in the myth that Soulmates only bring happiness and joy. I don’t believe in the concept of a single Soulmate, but that each Soul has several within the Soul Group, and that each one serves a different purpose. The novel follows the path of Brida, who is searching for her Soulmate and believes it will complete her and help her understand life. It also follows the thoughts of the Magus (one of her teachers) who is also in search of his Soulmate, and when he does find her, his lesson is to learn to let her go. This was a second chance for him; to learn from a mistake he made in his youth.

Why is it that society conditions us from a young age to find a Soulmate and to settle down? That people are conditioned into believing it is the key to happiness, and that it is an achievement? The truth is, the Soulmate concept is much more complex than settling down with a partner for life. There are so many myths as to what role a Soulmate should serve, but it’s not the rejoining of two parts of a Soul in my opinion, but is when a Soul that has been part of another Soul’s existence appears, and it feels as if they are a part of the Soul because it is so familiar. Soulmates often know how the other will feel and react, and that means that they know when they are happy (or what will make them happy) or are in pain, but also what can hurt them. In that respect it can be a dangerous power, because although we would like to think no Soulmate would deliberately wish to to harm another, it can happen subconsciously.

Many believe that love is the greatest force and power, which is why people spend money and time (on dating sites) in search of love and their Soulmate, but it’s not the answer. It can make you feel good about yourself for a while, but love isn’t consistent, and people fall in and out of love. People seem to have a need to be loved and wanted, but money can’t buy true love, although it can buy attention. People remain in relationships out of fear of being alone, or prefer a compromise where there is security; neither are based on love.

The novel deals with the issue of being in love with more than one person at a time—is that possible, and that more than one Soulmate will appear at the same time? The answer is ‘yes’ and it’s not easy to deal with. There is no easy answer—do you walk away from both, or pick the one that is practical? What I have learned is that if you love someone but your actions cause them pain, then you should let them go and walk away. In reality, it’s not easy though, but one can still love from afar. A Soulmate should still allow the other to choose their own path, even if it means loneliness and pain for the other. That is true love, and although it may seem cryptic, that’s because it’s a lesson that is so personal, one can only truly understand it when they have been faced with the situation.

I speak from experience; a Soulmate of mine would not let me go, yet he could not be with me and while he loved me, he was also inadvertently hurting me and holding back my path. I don’t feel he did it out of selfishness, and so I chose to walk away (a second time). By not letting me go, it prevented me from finding or acknowledging other Soulmates that may have crossed my path. I could not force him to be on the correct path, so I followed an alternate one of my own. Eventually he freed himself on his blocked path, and he later admitted he didn’t want to hurt me anymore than he may have done which is why he did not let me go. This was my second chance, and yet I chose to walk away again–the first time through a yearn for freedom, and the second, again for freedom of a different kind. The pull of the presence of a Soulmate can be compelling and addictive, and in that respect is a dangerous kind of power.

Soulmates can bring about great happiness and the darkest pain at the same time. Can you forgive them easily? Usually you can; he has forgiven me countless times, and I have not held grudges against him, but was disappointed in his lies even though they were to protect me from harm. That doesn’t mean the pain they create is less in anyway, or that it can be healed quickly. My advice is to not get misled into the belief that a Soulmate is the only option, or to expect too much. There can be times of shared bonding, but that they have the power to alter, and block your path when love gets confused with the expectations of the physical realm. While divorce and separations are never easy to deal with, one needs to accept it is a natural fabric of life; when people die, they will be parted eventually.

Maybe the lesson is to learn to let a Soulmate go, perhaps to experience the pain of losing love, or to learn how to cope with a forbidden love that may not be socially acceptable on the physical realm? Those are some of the other roles of a Soulmate in the Soul Group besides being a companion in an incarnation. Soulmate interactions are powerful—more powerful that the emotion and impact of love. Don’t under estimate their power and ability to change your path.

Conquering The Comfort Zone

How do you know what your comfort zone is, and why do we prefer to stay in it? If you think about it, as babies we have no comfort zone and we learn through trial and error. Only then do we know what is safe and familiar, and what can be deemed dangerous. In order for the Soul to evolve it must step outside its comfort zone, but consciously doing it versus having no option but to do so are very different mindsets.

Is it foolhardy to deliberately face the unknown, or is it being brave? At times we must challenge ourselves, otherwise we don’t learn and we get bored and complacent. It doesn’t mean we should head out and do things without any preparation or thought, but to willingly look at other options.

Being outside of your comfort zone is inevitably uncomfortable, but you won’t know until you try. At times it will be scary, and things won’t work out, but on the other hand you will find that you can cope and it’s okay. I don’t like camping, in fact I am a dreadful camper, but I hadn’t really tried it, so I decided to be brave and to go on a camping trip. I hated it, and was miserable and did the best I could. In the end I know I survived, and that I could do it again, but only if I had to. You can’t know how you will respond unless you have had first hand experience. The same is with skating; it’s outside of my comfort zone and I prefer land. That’s not to say I haven’t tried, because I have, and one day I will brave enough to try it again.

Choosing the safe option seems logical, sane and sensible, but do you ever grow? That is the point of an incarnation and life, to try things that may not work out. Perhaps changing career is too scary, or moving to another area is something you’d rather not do. Think about it—it happens to millions of people each day, some through choice and others through circumstances beyond their control. Either way, people will have to face things and make it work. Staying in a comfort zone is not a bad thing, but if you resist growth and never leave it, you will have to do it one day, so isn’t it better to take a step out every now and then and see what happens?

©2016. S.T. Alvyn.

Keeping The Spiritual Ego In Check

When one sees and hears the word spiritual, immediately it is associated with the words kind, humble, caring, cult, religious, and magical. However, ego and arrogance is rarely used, because surely a truly spiritual person couldn’t be egotistic or arrogant? Sadly, there are some with those traits, and the number is on the increase with the widespread use of social media and the illusion of self-importance with made up titles and labels. The problem lies in people forgetting what spiritualism is really about, and get caught up commercializing their name and creating a brand, and with it all kinds of services. Now, some of these services are helpful and are created in order to help others, but many not only prey on vulnerable people looking for guidance, but also it stems from an inflated self-belief that they can justify what they are doing as a ‘fair exchange’ of goods and services. Quite simply, praise and popularity goes to their head and they believe the hype.

So what can be considered to be egotistical or arrogant? Is there an invisible line that can be crossed? I find one should be wary when they encounter those who  believe that only they are right and others are wrong, and when people are charged excessive fees for services that may not have an outcome. I recently saw on a Facebook post a friend shared that she recommended a spiritual coach who was charging £1000 a month to have access to her via Skype. How does someone decide their time is worth that much, with no actual defined service? Books, and even videos can be helpful as people can choose what they wish to believe, however, it depends on the tone—whether it s inspirational or delivered with a biased dictatorial tone. Modesty is golden, and if someone is not respectful or open to alternate theories of say reincarnation, then how can that be considered spiritual?

I have met some spiritually egotistical people, and regrettably they do give spirituality a bad name. I also saw a job description to be an assistant for a spiritual mentor and trainer (as she calls herself) and the job was hardly spiritual at all, but was really a marketing job to be done as and when needed. It was all about promoting the website, answering queries on the courses, processing payments, and to post on social media new blog posts. The site had some useful information, but was full of click and bait headings, and I’ll be frank here—you can’t just pay for a course to learn how to be psychic and to channel Spirit. Anyone who offers those types of courses are not spiritual. I have seen Shamans offer mentoring to those whom they choose for free, and that’s how it ought to be. Simply put, you cannot put a price on spirituality, and if you do, then that’s not spiritual.

In some spiritual centers, whether they be churches, learning centers, or retreats this is where egotism can breed where people feed off the praises of others. I have worked in and visited such places, and there was a minority that believes the hype and rhetoric of what is written in their profiles. My faith was restored when I met several well-known spiritual writers and names who were humble and modest—some had groupie followings and one even had a PA, but remained very grounded when I had any dealings (Jean Houston, Ray Moody, and Stan Krippner). The same could not be said of the center, or others. Instead they had an air of arrogance in what they stood for. Ultimately, the end result is always about money because without it they cannot continue or exist, and it’s more of a business than a vocation.

It saddens me when spiritualism is so commercialized, which is why I choose to have no adverts on my sites except for my own books, which I offer for free. More importantly one should also know when to stand aside when people have a different view of spiritualism or a belief that differs rather than to argue—discussion is good, but when one side refuses to accept that there are other perspectives, then that becomes spiritually arrogant.

I recently encountered someone (who I now ignore) who purported on an open chat room that they used magic to keep themselves looking young. I merely asked them if they considered that personal gain, and they replied they had that right and control to use magic and boasted about their appearance. My response, in an attempt to signify to others that using magic for personal gain is not ethical, mentioned that there are consequences and that I had seen them first hand. The arrogant reply was, ‘They must have been lousy at magic,’ at which point the full force of the ego was shown. Anyone with spiritual or magickal gifts knows the unspoken responsibilities of using their powers and gifts (or they learn through consequences). For once the ego steps over the boundaries, consequences will arise.

Learn to listen respectfully, even if the person is misguided and present why your belief is credible, be modest when praise is offered and don’t allow it to make you believe you are above others or more ‘advanced’, and remember we are all equal—it’s not what we say and how we say it, but also how we project ourselves to others that matters. Integrity, honesty, and humility are the traits of the truly spiritual.

©2016. S. T. Alvyn.

How Our Past Life Traits Blend Into The Present

Sometimes we can’t explain why we like or dislike something for no apparent reason, and maybe our past lives can account for that. On my own spiritual journey (which has been as rocky as Ernest Shackleton’s expedition to Antarctica) I have looked at why I was drawn to certain things and tried to find a rational explanation for them. Conversely I also looked at things I cannot bear, and in discovering some of my past lives I can begin to understand why.

One of my first realizations was when another Sensitive asked me if I hated water on my face. This is one of my pet hates that no one except my parents know of, as they struggled to wash my hair during my childhood, and if any water dripped onto my face I would scream. Naturally I avoid showers, and is related to a past life event where I was drowned as a witch. Over the years I have learned to live with it; at the hairdressers I keep a towel to hand if water strays, and when I am away I book rooms with bathtubs. My parents could never understood why I would freak out, and all I can say is the thought of an uncontrolled stream of water on my face still makes me feel very uncomfortable.

Recently I have come across articles or people mentioning things that have triggered memories, where there is a familiarity and an aura of calm. As a child I had an obsession with apple trees and begged my mother as a five-year-old to have one. She said it was too much work to keep and my request was denied. A month later she bought some plants she liked and planted them, unbeknown to her they were apple blossom and I had my apple tree after all. I’d also thrown my penny into the wishing well and made a wish to have an apple tree, and whether it was a coincidence or not who knows? Could I have manifested it at five-years-old when I didn’t even know what the word meant then? Three decades later, a past life was revealed to me where I discovered in that lifetime I owned an apple orchard. It was well documented and is where I apparently spent time to get peace. I visited the spot where the orchard would have been (this was three centuries ago), and I felt safe there even though today it is a park. The irony of it all is that I don’t actually eat apples, even as a child, which is why my parents were confused as to why I would want an apple tree. I could never explain my reasoning then, but I still find a sense of calm around apple trees, and apple juice (pure pressed) is my favorite drink.

Most spiritual people like incense and that slow music people have in the background to mediate to. Not I, I cannot stand either and both make me anxious, and I feel sick when I smell incense or hear the music. I never gave it any thought, and it was easy to avoid, and I even banned one flatmate from burning incense when it made me feel nervous, using the excuse of health and safety to stop her. I once went for a regression session and the healer tried to put on a CD with some soothing music, but it wouldn’t work. I told her not to bother as music doesn’t relax me, but actually annoys me. That session revealed a past life where I was sacrificed, which may or may not explain why I don’t like the music played in rituals, or the smell of incense. The healer assumed that’s why the CD player wasn’t working (even though it did an hour before). This also links in with what I recently discovered. I have always had a passion for chocolate; thick hot chocolate as a drink, and bars with no nuts or anything else in it. Some may say it’s a sugar addiction, but I enjoy eating chocolate and see it as a normal part of my life. Apparently in Mayan times a hot chocolate drink was drunk at rituals and used as a celebratory drink, as well as a currency. Has that habit passed down all these lives?  I’m very discerning about the quality of chocolate I eat or drink, and would rather have a small cup of good quality hot chocolate (no milk) rather than a large one from a packet. Again, I’m not sure why I prefer this and whether it has any connection, but I no one knows how I acquired the taste, I just did of my own accord.

There can also be phobias that blend into the present life as well as the traits that brought calm and joy, and that’s when the Soul intuition can help out. In my case with the smell of incense I had a fight or flight response for no rational reason, and while I know I am not in danger of being sacrificed it’s more comfortable if I am kept away from the smell.

We can learn to adapt to these strange and unexplained habits, and perhaps we don’t need to know the origin of them, but many will have been watered down versions of how the Soul behaved in prior lives. It makes me feel less of a freak though knowing there maybe an explanation for why I have preferences and a distaste for other things for no discernable reason, and that’s what makes a Soul unique and eternal as it never forgets what it enjoys and what it needs to be wary of.

©2016. S. T. Alvyn.

Why Guides And Lightworkers Have Difficult Incarnations

One would expect an Old Soul to have an easier time during an incarnation—after all they’ve been through the worst already? That’s not always the case, because on the physical realm, older people slow down and retire, whereas in the Spiritual Realm the Old Souls recently have had more work to do; train and mentor new Guides, and also to heal and Guide their own charges. It can make for a fraught incarnation, while some opt to wind down and pass on any guiding roles. Just because they can and have the capacity to do so doesn’t mean they have to guide, however, some reluctantly do so when they witness the suffering and pain of others.

This doesn’t mean all Guides and Lightworkers will have difficult incarnations, or that those with difficult incarnations are Guides or Lightworkers. Then you ask difficult in relation to what? One cannot judge against their peers as each Soul irrespective of physical age is at a different level. I define a difficult incarnation when the Soul lacks a certain amount of free will and choices on their desired path due to their Soul Purpose of assisting others. Some can see it as a compromised situation, and while many Lightworkers accept this as part of the job it doesn’t make the incarnation easier when they are bombarded with negativity, and their paths get stalled. These contribute to a difficult incarnation, which is separate from the Soul Blueprint plans where a Soul plans their path and possibilities.

Some Lightworkers find it too much and reject their role, or turn a blind eye to events and that is their free will. In fact I think it is healthy as the days of martyrdom are relegated to history books. There has to be some balance as sacrifice is not lightworking, and when a charge or situation affects the incarnation of the Lightworker then they should be free to regain control of their incarnation. Some Lightworkers are very determined and will sacrifice their own journey to aid others, but this may come at a heavy price. While admirable and it is indeed their agreed vocation, some Souls rely and expect too much from Lightworkers, thus negating the purpose of the assistance given.

Guides and Lightworkers also may experience difficult incarnations because they are given knowledge and foresight, and when the charge opts not to follow the advice given, it is hard to watch them fall. I know many will say that the Lightworker can opt to intervene, but overstepping the agreed spiritual boundaries results in conflicts for the Lightworker as it prevents the Soul of the charge from learning. At times, pain is necessary as a tool. In my own experience where I did intervene, my own path was stalled and obstacles arose as a sign to tell me to stop. By forcing me to use my energies to focus on my own path, it made me see that preventing my charge from falling didn’t help, as they had come to expect my help.

Others may say it’s cruel for a Lightworker to choose whom to help and when, but this is not governed solely by their will, but that of the Souls’ other Guides. It’s like a teacher giving their pupils the answers to an upcoming exam because they want them all to pass and not to fail. The pupils won’t learn as much, although the teacher wishes to help them progress and none of them to have to experience the pain of failure. A Lightworker must stick to their role and no more even if the intent is good. That makes it hard when a charge may turn on them, or painful in watching a charge suffer. I had to do this, but I had no choice and when the charge asked for an easy way out again, I said I could not help. I could have, but I had learned my lesson, and saw that the charge needed to learn to let go of their pride, which was holding them back.

An incarnation for a Guide or Lightworkers can be difficult and rewarding, and while they may have agreed to these tasks before incarnating, knowing doesn’t make it easier, but explains why their incarnations won’t always go to plan. Mature Souls who are learning to be Lightworkers may experience the most conflict, where an incarnation can be made up of demanding charges, karmic debt, and achieving their own goals. It’s no wonder some struggle and have difficult incarnations where there are multiple blocks on their own path. Plans can, do, and will change, and Old Souls are used to this, but prefer them to be less rocky, which is why many prefer to be hermits and keep their distance with charges, or are less emotionally attached.

As for me, I choose my charges with care, and let them go when I feel they have become dependent—not forever or to teach them a lesson (as some may think), but to help them to learn to use the skills and knowledge I have given them. That’s my job, to hold their hand, but then to let them learn to walk alone. I also know some may resent me for abandoning them (but won’t see it that way), but in fact I was allowing them to grow, and they can’t if they know they can come running back to me for help without trying first.

©2016. S.T. Alvyn.