Why Closure Is a Lesson For All Souls

Death is a means of closure, or so we may think, but is it really? Whether it’s finding closure on a betrayal, a relationship separation, an argument between friends, or a family feud—Souls of all ages will encounter lessons of closure at some point in their incarnation. It’s never easy, and how do you know if and when you have closure? Is closure forgiveness or does it require more? What if it’s guilt? Is it more than forgiving yourself, and what if you can’t?

I was recently reminded of this when an old best friend’s mother died, and as lovely as she was, she never seemed to have had closure on her divorce, or the issues with her daughter. On occasions she would act irrationally, but in hindsight it was a means to protect herself, and to assert her position to prevent her feeling the pain of the divorce. At times when we have been wronged, it is hard to find that strength to forgive and get closure. While divorce is a means toward closure, it’s only a legal matter and the emotional issues can linger for decades. Former spouses still end up in games of tit for tat, or find ways to punish one another when an opportunity arises subconsciously. That hinders actual closure.

These days with social media and the internet, people tend to think if they delete a profile or unfriend someone on Facebook then that gives them closure. Often it doesn’t as the resentment remains, or people delete things as a quick fix because they don’t like something or wish to face it. A friend of mine has a habit of deleting everything they don’t like in attempt to have closure, however, you can’t have true closure through escape. Pretending something never happened or that has been erased doesn’t mean it didn’t exist. Rather than closure, it’s more of a denial.

Some people who are terminally ill may feel a need to get closure on things before they leave, while others (usually younger souls) may not feel they have to. But what about those who are still alive and who weren’t able to get closure from someone who has transitioned? That is where reincarnation comes in, and whatever transpired will reoccur in the next incarnation so the issue can be resolved and closure can be achieved.

Family feuds are one the issues that binds people together when death occurs. There is an unspoken obligation to inform other family members (even if they have never spoken to one another) when someone has died. However, while people do consider blood to be thicker and a bond, more families live far away, lose contact, and barely know one another except for a shared surname and ancestors. How does one get closure on family matters when there is no communication? Perhaps that’s a reason why more Souls tend to reincarnate together because closure wasn’t achieved on all sides?

For many that have loved and lost, learning to accept closure on a failed relationship is both painful, and also leads to a feeling of failure. The burning of letters, deleting their texts, and throwing out their possessions maybe acts of closure, but often they are done in anger to try and remove the presence of that person. Some move on quickly to another relationship on the rebound to compensate for those feelings, but unless they have had closure it may lead to the same situation again. There is no magic time frame or formula for closure to be achieved, because it’s only possible when each Soul is ready to accept what has happened without resentment or anger. In real life that can stretch to years, and emotions aren’t things you can always control or be rational about.

Even when friendships drift apart or end due to disagreements, it’s hard to accept that someone you have known no longer will be in or wishes to be a part of your life. In a sense it’s rejection and loss, and closure can be hard because deep down we hope rifts can be mended. While that hope remains, the Soul doesn’t want or seek closure, even though it maybe inevitable. I like to think of friends as those who care about you unconditionally, and there will be fallouts and arguments, but that is natural. Choosing to end a friendship (a true one) is as major as a relationship, because one chooses friends unlike family members, and that loss can be greater when there is no justifiable reason.

Closure on issues can take years, and often it’s subconscious as any anger, resentment or pain slowly erodes, or distractions have occurred to prevent any dwelling on the issues. Saying you have had closure and actually feeling you have had closure are very different things. It’s more than letting things go, but having a deeper understanding of why something had to happen, its purpose, and what you have learnt from it (whether good or bad). When you can talk about the incidents that need closure without anger and remorse, then you have true closure.

It takes time (maybe the entire incarnation) because that’s one of the greatest lessons each Soul learns during an incarnation; how to get closure and to know when they have actually achieved it, because they have learnt a Soul Lesson. Some however don’t get closure, and they end an incarnation with outstanding issues. They then have a choice to reincarnate immediately to get closure, or to seek guidance if they don’t feel ready for closure and need time to heal. Even in death, there is no guarantee of closure because Souls are eternal. It’s with this knowledge (or theory for those who struggle with this belief) that encourages me to find closure wherever possible, and it comes with learning to be more understanding and tolerant of others. Another option is prevent the need for closure in the first place, but that’s not always possible, and something that Old and Ancient Souls prefer to do if they can.

Perfection, Frustration, And Alas… Reality

I’ve been watching the world of late; often shaking my head and sighing even though I know it won’t do much good. As a child I strived for perfection, everything had to be just so. Perhaps that’s because as an Old Soul I knew how things ought to be, and got frustrated when they weren’t? Maybe I just wanted some kind of order in my life? Frustration set in from a very early age when those around me wouldn’t comply, but even today my parents will admit I used to tell them what to do, and they did it (I was about 4 or 5 years old).

During my University and school years I witnessed how unfair the ‘system’ was, and struggled with why it was accepted—surely if you spoke up people would listen to logic. Listen they may do, but act they do not. Why? Because they like their job and title and don’t wish to rock the boat, even if something is unfair. Justice, equality, and parity I soon learned is not the way society works, and that is still true to this day. Yes, one can protest and petition, and sometimes that pressure group will get a result, but only after a few have suffered and dedicated their lives to the cause. Results are never guaranteed, and they take time; decades, and even centuries.

I write this because perfection, while it is individual to each of us is interminable, where the bar can be so high, it can never be achieved, humanly that is. I have a high bar, and I accept I cannot reach it at times and it frustrates me. Logically in my mind, there are certain things that are possible, and when they aren’t achieved it perplexes me. One can ponder and look for answers, but as I have gotten older I see perfection as a standard that can give the self closure and an element of joy in achieving what they aimed for, and it should not be for others to judge, or for their gratification.

This is one of the problems society has by imposing standards of perfection that are unrealistic. Some confuse perfection with OCD and it’s not the same, because levels of perfection can change. These days while I still hanker for perfection, when it doesn’t happen I can let it go because it really doesn’t matter; I mean who does it affect and bother really?  In life situations, the variables change moment by moment, and applying the same standard without flexibility isn’t wise or sensible.

The ultimate fact is humanity and humans are imperfect and flawed. Too often I see on some spiritual website someone quoting that the Soul and each being is perfect. I find that misleading, because someone who let’s say has less than honorable thoughts and intents is led to believe that they are ‘perfect’ and their actions and thoughts are okay, and they are not. No one is perfect, because perfection is a state that constantly evolves and never stops. That is why frustration kicks in, because one must be realistic to understand the concept of perfection.

Is frustration a lack of control, or a by-product of seeking perfection? It can be both, because at times we can have the perfect moment, meal, or feeling, but it is transient and can never be frozen and encapsulated and preserved. This is one of the reasons I advocate realistic spirituality, because if you cannot accept that perfection exists merely to challenge, encourage, and to set the Soul standards, then the incarnation will be filled with frustration, which can lead to blockages in the Soul Growth. It took me a while to see and understand this; I lived in a student house with my friends and while it was fun, it seemed perfect and that illusion was shattered. There were some great and perfect moments, but the reality of it all was that people all have differing needs and perceptions of what is perfect and the lesson is to accept that, and to learn to respect and live with those differing perceptions.

I used to get frustrated when people would listen to my logic, agree and then go off and do the opposite. I still do get frustrated, but I’m the only person who suffers. I have to let others figure out what is best for them at times, and I find people don’t always want to listen, they can hear, but don’t actively listen. Perhaps they do and keep those thoughts at the back of their mind just in case, and that’s all one can do. Living in a realistic world is hard work, mainly because people create their own realities and bubbles within it. A world with lots of pockets of bubbles of slightly different realities is not a healthy one, which is why society and humanity is so fractured. While each country has different customs, and laws, one expects that and discovering new cultures can be fascinating and also enlightening, but when there are too many adverse factions, a stable and peaceful reality seems further out of the grasp of humanity.

I watch the news because I do want to see how humanity is reacting to the treatment of others, and how the world is shaping. Instead I see a lot of destruction, and why? Power—it’s all about ego and power and who has more. Power over the people though? Surely world leaders and monarchs are there to serve the people they represent? The realistic view is that it is rhetoric; the people confer power to them, but few truly serve the public. Recently the new US government halted aid on planned parenthood assistance in third world countries because of the personal beliefs of some in the cabinet. In response the EU has raised funds to counteract this deficit, which will save the lives of many, and I ask how can two highly civilized and educated government bodies be so far apart?

Clearly humanity is not working together as the power struggles continue, and will probably exist for perpetuity. I realize that the world is not and can never be perfect, and it was never meant to be. Humanity can strive for a perfect world; one that is peaceful where no one starves, and where there is no crime, but that is unrealistic. We look for answers as to why people commit crimes; greed, envy, revenge, mental disorders, money, or just because they can. There is no one answer, therefore there can be no solution when the root cause is unknown and cannot be resolved.

Perfection is a transient state, and one we should not get frustrated over when it can’t be achieved (and I’m a Virgo!). That is called reality, and accepting that the world and humanity is not perfect, nor will it ever be. However, that should not stop us striving for it because humanity exists for Souls to evolve and learn. Although progress at times is stalled or limited, we, as the human race should aim to learn from the errors of bygone eras and that is something society is failing to do—perhaps through ignorance or ego, or maybe both?

When You Know The End Draws Near

Some call it pessimism, but often we know something is coming to an end, whether it’s a relationship or a job. You might get an uneasy feeling, or you hope that the old days return, but they never do. Calling time on something, quitting, or ending a relationship is never easy, but it’s one of those things we have to learn to cope with in life.

The first time you end a relationship be a friend or lover is always hard—sometimes it’s temporary, and other times it’s a relief to end something that may have become harmful and destructive. Finding the courage to do so can lead to procrastination, or maybe a reason that is justified?

I’ve resigned from several jobs, and the first was the hardest, but after that it got easier. I wrote the letter and rewrote it; then all the manager did was file it and started looking for a replacement. That made my subsequent letters easier to write. A job is no longer for life, so I always take note of notice periods on contracts, and if you really hate going into work each day, then you have to rethink your priorities.

Ending friendships is harder, and I’ve only done it when people have falsely accused me of something. That’s something I won’t tolerate; a couple then sent messages to apologize, but it was never the same and I learned when it comes to an end that is it. I gave one friend a second chance after she sent me letters of apology, but what she did always created a barrier and the friendship drifted apart naturally.

Romantic relationships are tough because of the emotions and the dreaded task of splitting things, and then you find out who your friends really are. Often the relationship can yo-yo, and there’s a second and even a third chance, but once you get past that stage, it’s more or less over. While you need to work at relationships, sometimes they are destined to fail, but the lesson learned is that it’s not the right kind of relationship for you. If you find yourself avoiding your partner, not looking forward to being with them, or you would rather go for a run in the rain, then the end is nigh…

I’m also a member of some online groups, and to end that relationship (rather than to take a break) needs some justification. A forum I have been on for several years has changed in the last couple of years, as in the members weren’t as nice or interesting, the admins have power trips, and the friends I had made had either terminated their membership or got banned by over zealous admins. I did manage to remain in contact with a few via email and social media, but I finally realized after the last couple of years, the group no longer was positive, but had a negative effect. It’s sad, because I had hoped it would change, and I mentioned numerous times I was on the verge of leaving, and now that time has come. The final straw was reading a post where someone claimed they were tired of being right all of the time, and convinced themselves no one replied to their posts because they were so accurate, there could be no response. I did think it was a joke, but it wasn’t. Maybe I don’t need them, or that my words fall on deaf ears. Either way, it’s like the UK and Brexit—when you choose to leave, end it and don’t look back, but remain on good terms.

Learning to end things and to deal with closure takes time—quite a lot of it, and it’s a process. Closing doors can bring relief or sadness, but there is always a reason why things must end, but we just never know fully why. The important thing to note is that if you sense the end of something to accept it and not to fight it, because that’s when it hurts and you make it harder for yourself.  Memories can’t be erased, but we can choose to recall them in the light we wish. While the group I am choosing to distance myself from will continue, I will visit from time to time, but as a visitor only, and not as a member because I no longer identify with the principles that they represent. Perhaps it’s a new phase for me?

 

Why Do Souls Suffer in Silence?

Throughout my life, I’ve never met anyone that has not said they have suffered from something, which makes me question why does suffering exist? It may seem more philosophical than spiritual, but is subjective according to individual experiences and expectations. However, many ask why do we suffer? Often it is out of fear, but also people feel they are suffering and are thus victims when maybe they were expecting too much, or were unaware that their situation wasn’t that bad?

The question is if a Soul is suffering, then why can’t they do anything about it? Perhaps they should gain courage to speak up, or give up something in order to change their path? You can’t have everything, and sometimes one must sacrifice something. For example, if a a partner in a relationship is suffering due to verbal abuse, then the immediate question is why don’t they leave? Other factors come into play such as children, finances, and security, but if none of those are applicable, then what is stopping a Soul from ending what they perceive as suffering? When people say they are suffering in their job, because they hate it, then they do have a choice to leave. Some won’t because of finances, and others can’t because they can’t get another job. Often the Soul has choices—not always great ones, but they are options nonetheless if they choose to see them.

I have been in both situations, and at times suffered in silence because I thought it wasn’t that bad or that things would get better. They often don’t, although you may try to convince yourself they will. In previous relationships I have kept quiet, and suffered only a couple of times, but decided I should see whether it would get better. The problem is in relationships the other party can make you feel guilty, and remaining objective can be hard when it’s the closest person to you. Very often partners get brainwashed, and once free, they chide themselves for not leaving sooner. That’s why I always recommend people to keep friendships, as they can be the voice of reason.

In terms of jobs, many of the workforce silently suffer and yearn to do something else for a living. Do factory workers and cleaners really enjoy their jobs, or are they convenient, or a means to an end? For those who love and enjoy their work, they are blessed, but many are content or tolerate their working environment. Some however do suffer, and they do it for money alone. When that happens, it takes courage to give up a well-paid job to have mental freedom, and I can say it’s worth it.

Souls suffer in silence and maintain the status quo, but that means they will be stuck in a rut and often trapped in their own cage. No one should be afraid to voice their genuine concerns (notice, I don’t think constant whining on small matters is considered suffering, although in the minds of some it is), but they do out of fear of the repercussions, or what others will think of them. In some ways that creates and prolongs any suffering that has arisen.

I suffered at the hands of bullies as a young child, and there was no one to come to my rescue—not even my brother who was at the same school and who watched me being bullied. If I told the teachers, then they would increase the bullying, so what could I do? They would steal my snacks at break time each day and grab them out of my hands, then taunt me, and push me over while calling me names each day. Then one day, in the playground I had my chocolate bar in my hand and saw the gang approaching. I really wanted my chocolate bar, and thought what more can they do to me? So I gobbled it down in front of them, and told them they were too late. I honestly thought they would try to beat me up (I was about 8 or 9), but they stood there in shock that I stood up to them, and walked away. The bullying didn’t stop completely after that, but they backed off and never tried to get my chocolate bars again.

When we suffer we learn harsh and painful lessons, but it should also help us to learn empathy, so if we see others in a similar plight we are able to help them. Those who do suffer seek help, and those who have been through similar situations will recognize a silent cry for help. I find being a good listener without judging is helpful, because a Soul that is suffering must choose their own path; they should try and accept what has happened, look at what has been learned, and then to use that knowledge to help others and not to repeat the same scenarios. Instead some spend time and energy trying to understand why it happened (you will never find a definitive answer, only possible theories), wonder whether they were they to blame, and ask why did they deserve it, or think that it’s not fair that they had to suffer compared to others.

Perhaps a past life karmic debt has been played out, or the Soul had volunteered for an altruistic incarnation? These are theories, and while some people may mock them, there is no evidence or reason why some suffer more than others. Rather than to spend time and anger feeling that life has dealt you a poor hand, isn’t it better to try and change things to be the best they can in the circumstances? I’ve heard people say they are suffering, where really they just aren’t getting things their own way. Suffering is when you are harmed in circumstances that are beyond your control, so think about whether you are really suffering, or are you containing that suffering with excuses?

If you hate your job, boss, co-workers, then leave once you hand in your notice. Money isn’t everything, and you have a choice, but are you brave enough to take it? In fractured relationships, you have to look at what is more important—the house, what people think, money, or your sanity? There is no amount of money that can buy you peace of mind, but you must choose between material security, and suffering. Again, there is a choice; a Soul has choices, even if they can’t see them or consider them viable choices.

True suffering comes from sacrifices, but it need not be in silence. Spiritually, suffering is a means to help Souls to learn and evolve. Now this may not help those who are suffering or be of much comfort, but that’s why it exists. Souls should try not to blame others, but accept the lessons learned, otherwise they will repeat the lessons again, and no one wants to go through that if they can help it. Maybe the lesson is to learn forgiveness, tolerance, or to learn how and when to trust others—there are a multitude of lessons that involve suffering, including losing someone you love. We can help others suffer less by considering others in our actions, and to have empathy for others. That is another lesson all Souls learn. Often suffering is eased with a kind word or act, or when someone will listen without judgment, for we all make mistakes—humans were not created to be perfect.

Some Ancient Soul Musings

The start of a New Year usually is a relief to many when we see all the predictable ads for gyms, and the stores laden with fitness gadgets, yet people still buy into it! This year I feel will be unsettled, and while we leave behind 2016; a year with a high death count of the well-known, I see that as a mere taster for what is to come. People die, we know that, and the sheer volume of well-known deaths in the past year reminds us that life is transient and death is inevitable. One always wonders whether the Souls concerned had achieved all their goals, or that the ones they were seeking were not longer possible.

One of the best things that has happened is my reconnection with an old spiritual friend, whom I hope will share some of her amazing art work and thoughts here. She was around when I was reawakening, and we’ve been through some tough times together and supported one another. I’ve also been reminded with my recent charge, that we can’t save everyone, and even when lessons are obvious to a Lightworker, it’s not apparent to the charge. I decided to spell out the lesson, and then asked my charge last night if she had learned. She agreed I was right, but said she hadn’t learned her lesson. At that point I stated that it was pointless helping someone if they are not willing to learn, phrased as a rhetorical question. Today the charge is in hospital, and maybe then they will see the importance of learning, rather than seeing her actions as juvenile determination (she is 67, but physical age has no bearing on Soul Age). My words may have been cruel in the eyes of some, but honest and direct; I told her she doesn’t have a broken leg that can be healed, but a deteriorating terminal illness and that she needs to take responsibility and accept that.

As an Ancient Soul, it can be frustrating watching and listening to others make errors that can be avoided. While some ask for advice, the problem is you can’t tell people what they need to discover through experience. How can you know that love can lead to heartbreak when you have never truly experienced it, or how it feels or how to react when someone has betrayed you? No book or agony aunt can tell you how to feel, but can advise you on your options. On a spiritual forum that I sometimes frequent, I have noticed more arrogant members and egotistical posts, and indeed the admins seem to carry that same attitude. It does concern me that people behave in such a manner and think it’s normal or acceptable, but it reminds me that each Soul learns in their own way and at their own pace. It is best to ignore those who are not ready to listen or seek help; what they consider to be help is not usually the help that is offered. Assistance comes in many forms, but those who want short cut answers will be oblivious to what is in front of them. No one is entitled to help, but some assume they have a right to it. Help is offered as and when, and if that person feels the other will benefit. Just because I know and can help, doesn’t mean that I must or will. That is called discernment and free will, as well as being sensible. Why would I wish to help someone who is rude and disrespectful, because all it does is feed their ego, which doesn’t help with their soul growth and takes up my time and energy?

Spiritualism appears to be more commercial as people look for answers, reasons, and blame for why things have happened. Often these people who are dissatisfied with their lot and need someone or something to blame, and spiritualism is not the answer. Many don’t wish to hear things unless it suits them, therefore, why do they ask the question if they don’t want to hear the answer? I always say, don’t ask unless you are ready and prepared to hear the truth. However, reading what many consider to be normal allows me to respond to their behaviors in my own writings, and reminds me that there are many folks who assume they are spiritual (because they have read a few books and can quote others), and perhaps they are in their own minds. The Spiritual Path doesn’t always reveal answers, but it enables one to ask the right questions.

My own path is a little weary, and while I see the world in disarray, the USA is about to validate a dangerous and unworthy leader. Power can be dangerous, and while many people adopt the ‘let’s wait and see’ approach and hope to be surprised, the wise will look at damage limitation. Right now, Narnia seems to be a better place to be. Humanity seems to make the same mistakes over and over again, and isn’t learning…