Some call it pessimism, but often we know something is coming to an end, whether it’s a relationship or a job. You might get an uneasy feeling, or you hope that the old days return, but they never do. Calling time on something, quitting, or ending a relationship is never easy, but it’s one of those things we have to learn to cope with in life.
The first time you end a relationship be a friend or lover is always hard—sometimes it’s temporary, and other times it’s a relief to end something that may have become harmful and destructive. Finding the courage to do so can lead to procrastination, or maybe a reason that is justified?
I’ve resigned from several jobs, and the first was the hardest, but after that it got easier. I wrote the letter and rewrote it; then all the manager did was file it and started looking for a replacement. That made my subsequent letters easier to write. A job is no longer for life, so I always take note of notice periods on contracts, and if you really hate going into work each day, then you have to rethink your priorities.
Ending friendships is harder, and I’ve only done it when people have falsely accused me of something. That’s something I won’t tolerate; a couple then sent messages to apologize, but it was never the same and I learned when it comes to an end that is it. I gave one friend a second chance after she sent me letters of apology, but what she did always created a barrier and the friendship drifted apart naturally.
Romantic relationships are tough because of the emotions and the dreaded task of splitting things, and then you find out who your friends really are. Often the relationship can yo-yo, and there’s a second and even a third chance, but once you get past that stage, it’s more or less over. While you need to work at relationships, sometimes they are destined to fail, but the lesson learned is that it’s not the right kind of relationship for you. If you find yourself avoiding your partner, not looking forward to being with them, or you would rather go for a run in the rain, then the end is nigh…
I’m also a member of some online groups, and to end that relationship (rather than to take a break) needs some justification. A forum I have been on for several years has changed in the last couple of years, as in the members weren’t as nice or interesting, the admins have power trips, and the friends I had made had either terminated their membership or got banned by over zealous admins. I did manage to remain in contact with a few via email and social media, but I finally realized after the last couple of years, the group no longer was positive, but had a negative effect. It’s sad, because I had hoped it would change, and I mentioned numerous times I was on the verge of leaving, and now that time has come. The final straw was reading a post where someone claimed they were tired of being right all of the time, and convinced themselves no one replied to their posts because they were so accurate, there could be no response. I did think it was a joke, but it wasn’t. Maybe I don’t need them, or that my words fall on deaf ears. Either way, it’s like the UK and Brexit—when you choose to leave, end it and don’t look back, but remain on good terms.
Learning to end things and to deal with closure takes time—quite a lot of it, and it’s a process. Closing doors can bring relief or sadness, but there is always a reason why things must end, but we just never know fully why. The important thing to note is that if you sense the end of something to accept it and not to fight it, because that’s when it hurts and you make it harder for yourself. Memories can’t be erased, but we can choose to recall them in the light we wish. While the group I am choosing to distance myself from will continue, I will visit from time to time, but as a visitor only, and not as a member because I no longer identify with the principles that they represent. Perhaps it’s a new phase for me?